The 6-Fingered Man
Or Why “Inconceivable” May Not Mean What You Think it Means
Almost everyone is writing off Philadelphia’s chances in the Super Bowl, except the Eagles faithful. The foregone conclusion seems to be that the Patriots will hoist the Lombardi Trophy and the team’s players, coaches, and front office will don an unprecedented sixth ring.
This makes me wonder what kind of man needs six rings, and one name immediately springs to mind: Tyrone Rugen.
Who is Tyrone Rugen, you ask? Why, he is the 6-fingered man from The Princess Bride. You may remember him for torturing Westley in the pit of despair and murdering the father of a young Spaniard, inspiring a quest summed up in those famous words, “Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
The scene in which Inigo finally confronts Rugen — played deliciously by Christopher Guest — is one of the most powerful ever filmed. On the cusp of his life’s goal, he is nearly cut down and defeated by the villain, who takes the opportunity to monologue:
"You must be that little Spanish brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago. Simply incredible. Have you been chasing me your whole life, only to fail now? I think that's the worst thing I've ever heard. How marvelous."
Of course, Inigo does win and fulfills his lifelong goal. Even with all his training and motivation, he is the ultimate underdog, but he never gives up. And this of course conjures the heroes of our “junkyard dog” Philadelphia Eagles, battered and beaten, but still on their feet.
Nick Foles himself is a bit reminiscent of Inigo, with the potential to redeem the loss suffered by our team half a generation ago to these same Patriots. Is Malcolm Jenkins our versatile, omni-talented Westley? Is Chris Long our giant-hearted giant, Fezzik? Is Coach Doug Pederson, or head of football operations Howie Roseman, or CEO Jeffrey Lurie perhaps, our Miracle Max? Our Eagles are fun, like the heroes of The Princess Bride.
These Eagles have notably overcome adversity, including the loss of key first-string players and team leaders like Carson Wentz (quarterback), Jason Peters (left guard), Jordan Hicks (middle linebacker), Darren Sproles (running back and return specialist), Chris Maragos (special teams ace), and Caleb Sturgis (kicker!). I’d submit that these losses are not meaningfully different from scaling the cliffs of insanity, returning from death, or navigating the terrors of the fire swamp (New York Football Players of Unusual Size? I don’t believe they exist).
I will leave it to you to decide which Super Bowl participants could best be interpreted as Count Rugen, and who might fit the “warthog faced buffoon” Prince Humperdink.
Okay, okay, before you chalk this up as one of those “Eagles fan throws snowballs at Santa Claus” moments, of course the Patriots aren’t really villains like Humperdinck and Rugen. I’m not a Patriots hater, nor a Brady hater, nor a Belichick hater. The analogy was just too easy.
In truth, the body of work put together by the Patriots is unquestionably impressive. Do I believe that Belichick coaches his team with great discipline to the point where they are penalized less frequently than the rest of the league? I actually do. Based on the facts, one would be crazy not to agree that Tom Brady is among the most accomplished quarterbacks of all time, if not the most accomplished. I don’t subscribe to the conspiracy theories. The Patriots, objectively, deserve respect for their accomplishments.
But trying to win our first Super Bowl is not about objectivity, it’s about belief, determination, resilience, and most of all, heart. When our team, so loved in the city of Philadelphia and around the world, takes the field tomorrow, I know they will embody these virtues.
Have fun storming the castle!
#FlyEaglesFly!
